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This leads to even more insecurity AND less ease and enjoyment.And the worst part is that you discover that this whole approach tends to attract people who aren’t good for you – and you end up repeating the same dissatisfying patterns of the past.And that the parts of your personality that you think you must , Ken will take you on a step-by-step journey to reprogram your beliefs, habits and attitudes around dating.And, the beauty of this journey is that the focus will NOT be on fixing yourself – it will be on honoring and expressing your innate gifts. Instead of holding the whip of self-improvement over yourself (as many of us have spent so much time doing), you will learn to value, trust and express who you really are.
And I found that out during an epic year using everything I was learning in improv when I went out on dates. I said, “Let’s go see a show,” only to realize, when I showed up, that it was a date. Previously, asking a guy on a date fell into the same category as lighting my whole body on fire. As a recovering “cool girl,” I can tell you that I was floored when it worked. We don’t have all the answers, but we’re happy making it up as we go.
Always keep things casual even when if my feelings were anything but (and they always were). While playing the cool girl, I would typically see a guy for a month, who would break it off because his job apparently transferred him to Ghost City (the only explanation). With the men that followed, I conducted more experiments, applying the lessons I learned through improv.
I would mourn the relationship for a reasonable amount of time, about 18 months. four if we stretch the definition of “saw.” After we inevitably broke up, I convinced myself that I loved each and every one of those goobers. It’s not worth doing unless both people are invested. The first thing I noticed was that improvising was uncomfortable. Regressing into the “cool girl,” I emailed back: “Okay. Appreciated.” But 24 hours later, that new vulnerable self reemerged. If it’s terrible, you never have to see that person again. I have since fallen in love with a great guy who treats me well.
In other words, dating becomes a journey of self-revelation in which you are discovering and sharing more about your true self in the context of getting to know the true self of others.
As you shift to this deeper psychology of dating, you end up with many unexpected benefits (even if someone is not your life partner, they might become a life-long friend). You realize that you CAN be loved, desired and appreciated for being you.